すべてこうした点で,私は,自分が彼とほとんど一致していることがわかった。私たちは,まさに最初に会った時,語り合うほどに,しだいに親密度を増していった。私たちは,表面の層をしだいに通過し,2人とも,'中心部の炎'に到達したように感じた(注:地球の表面から掘り進み,マグマに達するというイメージか?)。それは,それまで自分が経験したいかなるものとも異なるものであった。私たちは,お互い,相手の目を見つめ合い,そういう場所(中心の炎の中)に一緒にいる自分たちを発見し,半ばぎょっとし,半ば陶酔した。その感動は,'情熱的な恋愛'のごとく強烈であり,同時に,すべてを包含する(包括的な)ものであった。私は,混乱(当惑)した気持ちでその場を離れ,そうして日常的な事柄(雑事)にはほとんど手がつかなかった。 |
The two things that seem most to occupy Conrad's imagination are loneliness and fear of what is strange. An Outcast of the Islands like The Heart of Darkness is concerned with fear of what is strange. Both come together in the extraordinarily moving story called Amy Foster. In this story a South-Slav peasant, on his way to America, is the sole survivor of the wreck of his ship, and is cast away in a Kentish village. All the village fears and ill-treats him, except Amy Foster, a dull, plain girl who brings him bread when he is starving and finally marries him. But she, too, when, in fever, he reverts to his native language, is seized with a fear of his strangeness, snatches up their child and abandons him. He dies alone and hopeless. I have wondered at times how much of this man's loneliness Conrad had felt among the English and had suppressed by a stern effort of will. Conrad's point of view was far from modern. In the modern world there are two philosophies: the one which stems from Rousseau, and sweeps aside discipline as unnecessary, the other, which finds its fullest expression in totalitarianism, which thinks of discipline as essentially imposed from without. Conrad adhered to the older tradition, that discipline should come from within. He despised indiscipline and hated discipline that was merely external. In all this I found myself closely in agreement with him. At our very first meeting, we talked with continually increasing intimacy. We seemed to sink through layer after layer of what was superficial, till gradually both reached the central fire. It was an experience unlike any other that I have known. We looked into each other's eyes, half appalled and half intoxicated to find ourselves together in such a region. The emotion was as intense as passionate love, and at the same time all-embracing. I came away bewildered, and hardly able to find my way among ordinary affairs. |