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Portal Site for Russellian in Japan


次ページ 前ページ  v.1,chap.7 (Cambridge Again) 目次  Contents (総目次)
* 右上写真出典:R. Clark's Bertrand Russell and His World, 1981.

 オットリンはとても背が高く,やや馬に似た長くほっそりとした顔と,非常に美しい髪 −−多少マーマレードの色に似ていたが,それよりもやや色の濃い,珍しい色をした髪(右写真参照)−− をしていた。'思いやりのある淑女(貴婦人)たちは,オットリンは髪を染めていると想像していたが,それは誤解であった。オットリーンは,非常に美しく・おだやかで・よく響き渡るをしており,'不屈の勇気'及び'鉄の意志'をもっていた。彼女はとても内気であり,初めのうち私たちは,お互い相手に対し臆病(小心)であった。しかし,深く愛し合い,臆病さがしだいに消えてゆくにつれて,喜びが増していった。私たちは二人とも,まじめで,因習(慣例)にとらわれず,伝統により(家柄により)貴族に属しているけれども,二人が置かれた現在の環境において,熟慮の上できるだけ貴族的に振る舞わず,二人とも残酷さ,貴族の横柄さ及び狭量さを憎んだ。しかも二人とも,生きることを選んだ世界(貴族社会)においていささか'異質な存在'であり,貴族社会の人間は我々二人が彼らとは異質であるために,私たちを疑いと理解を欠いた目で眺めた。このような状況から生ずるあらゆる複雑な感情を,私たち二人は,共有した。私たちの間には,彼女が生きている間消えることがない,深い共感があった。それは,私たちは,1916年に愛人関係が終わったが,その後もずっと親友であり続けた。
Ottoline was very tall, with a long thin face something like a horse, and very beautiful hair of an unusual colour, more or less like that of mamalade, but rather darker. Kind ladies supposed it to be dyed, but in this they were mistaken. She had a very beautiful, gentle, vibrant voice, indomitable courage, and a will of iron. She was very shy, and, at first, we were both timid of each other, but we loved profoundly, and the gradual disappearance of the timidity was an added delight. We were both earnest and unconventional, both aristocratic by tradition but deliberately not so in our present environment, both hating the cruelty, the caste insolence, and the narrow-mindedness of aristocrats, and yet both a little alien in the world in which we chose to live, which regarded us with suspicion and lack of understanding because we were alien. All the complicated feelings resulting from this situation we shared. There was a deep sympathy between us which never ceased as long as she lived. Although we ceased to be lovers in 1916, we remained always close friends.
Ottoline had a great influence upon me, which was almost wholly beneficial. She laughed at me when I behaved like a don or a prig, and when I was dictatorial in conversation. She gradually cured me of the belief that I was seething with appalling wickedness which could only be kept under by an iron self-control. She made me less self-centred, and less self-righteous. Her sense of humour was very great, and I became aware of the danger of rousing it unintentionally. She made me much less of a Puritan, and much less censorious than I had been. And of course the mere fact of happy love after the empty years made everything easier. Many men are afraid of being influenced by women, but as far as my experience goes, this is a foolish fear. It seems to me that men need women, and women need men, mentally as much as physically. For my part, I owe a great deal to women whom I have loved, and without them I should have been far more narrow-minded.