第2巻第5章 テレグラフ・ハウス時代末期(承前)
私は,自分の理性には全面的に確信を持っていたが,自分の感情は不承不承理性に追従した。第一次大戦に反対した時は,(自己に分裂はなく)自分の全精力がつぎ込まれていた。一方,第二次大戦に賛成(支持)した時の自己は分裂していた。 私が1914年から1918年までの間(第一次世界大戦中)に持っていたのと同程度の意見と感情の一致(調和)というものを,1940年以後は一度もまだ回復していない。そのような一致を以前自分に許した時は,科学的な知性が正当化する以上,自分自身に対し,一つの信条を容認させたのだと思う。科学的知性が導くところどこまでもそれに従うということが,私には常に,自分にとって,道徳的教訓のうちで最も肝要であると思われた。そうして,私は,深い精神的洞察力と自分で考えていたものを失うことが伴う時ですら,この教訓に従ったのである。 |
v.2,chap.5: Later Years of Telegraph House I do not wish to exaggerate. The gradual change in my views, from 1932 to 1940, was not a revolution; it was only a quantitative change and a shift of emphasis. I had never held the non-resistance creed absolutely, and I did not now reject it absolutely. But the practical difference, between opposing the First War and supporting the Second, was so great as to mask the considerable degree of theoretical consistency that in fact existed. Although my reason was wholly convinced, my emotions followed with reluctance. My whole nature had been involved in my opposition to the First War, whereas it was a divided self that favoured the Second. I have never since 1940 recovered the same degree of unity between opinion and emotion as I had possessed from 1914 to 1918. I think that, in permitting myself that unity, I had allowed myself more of a creed than scientific intelligence can justify. To follow scientific intelligence wherever it may lead me had always seemed to me the most imperative of moral precepts for me, and I have followed this precept even when it has involved a loss of what I myself had taken for deep spiritual insight. |