第3章 最初の努力 n.13 - 知識及び知的業績への欲求
この数年間,青年期の(青年期にありがちな)みじめな気持に満たされたけれども、私は,この数年間,知識(の獲得)及び知的業績(達成)への欲求によって前進し続けた(kept going)。私は、混乱を除去でき、それができれば機械が仕事をし,正義が分配を統制する世界となり(注:経済的平等が実現し)、全ての人々が幸福になれると、考えた(のである)。私は、早晩,完全な数学(疑うところが全く存在しない数学)に到達し、そうして,確実性の範囲を数学から他の科学へ徐々に拡張してゆくことができる、と期待した。そしてこの3年間(18歳でケンブリッジにあがるまでの)に徐々に神学に対する興味は減ってゆき、神学上の通説の最後の痕跡を投げすてた時には,本当に救われたように感じた(安堵感を覚えた)のであった。 |
Chapter : First Efforts, n.13It was not only as to theology that I had doubts, but also as to mathematics. Some of Euclid's proofs, especially those that used the method of superposition, appeared to me very shaky. One of my tutors spoke to me of non-Euclidean geometry. Although I knew nothing of it, except the bare fact of its existence, until many years later, I found the knowledge that there was such a subject very exciting, intellectually delightful, but a source of disquieting geometrical doubt. Those who taught me the infinitesimal Calculus did not know the valid proofs of its fundamental theorems and tried to persuade me to accept the official sophistries as an act of faith. I realized that the calculus works in practice, but I was at a loss to understand why it should do so. However, I found so much pleasure in the acquisition of technical skill that at most times I forgot my doubts. And, to some extent, they were laid to rest by a book which greatly delighted me: W. K. Clifford's Common Sense of the Exact Sciences.Although filled with adolescent misery, I was kept going in these years by the desire for knowledge and for intellectual achievement. I thought that it should be possible to clear away muddles, and that then everybody would be happy in a world where machines would do the work and justice would regulate distribution. I hoped sooner or later to arrive at a perfected mathematics which should leave no room for doubts, and bit by bit to extend the sphere of certainty from mathematics to other sciences. Gradually during these three years my interest in theology grew less, and it was with a genuine sense of relief that I discarded the last vestiges of theological orthodoxy. |