Russell: Hell is a place where the police are German ... the motorists French... and the cooks English.
Source: Bertrand Russell Society News, no.19 (August 1978) Reprinted in: The Quotable Bertrand Russell, 1993.
A Brief Comment: What is "Hell" as Defined by Bertrand Russell? - A Masterfully Ironic Joke Deciphered with AI
It is rarely pleasant to have a "label" slapped on yourself by others (or on your nation by those from abroad). However, there is something undeniably "pleasant" about finding a clever label to apply to others or other nations.
In a 1958 television interview (when he was 86 years old), the philosopher Bertrand Russell showcased a bit of "labeling" himself. From the perspective of an outsider?like us in Japan?it is a thoroughly amusing joke, but what makes it truly brilliant is the stinging self-deprecation Russell aims at his own countrymen. Russell’s Definition of Hell
Interviewer: How would you describe Hell, Lord Russell? Russell: Hell is a place where the police are German... the motorists French... and the cooks English.
This anecdote was published in the newsletter of the Bertrand Russell Society in America (Bertrand Russell Society News, no. 19, 1978).
I had a faint memory that this exchange took place on a CBS program in 1958, but since I couldn't recall the details, I turned to Google Gemini. The AI provided the following fascinating background:
Information from Google Gemini: Research into the source reveals that this remark originated from an interview on the American CBS television program "Small World."
Program: Small World
Network: CBS (USA)
Host: Edward R. Murrow
Aired: October 1958
This program featured a groundbreaking format for its time, connecting famous figures from different countries via international lines for a discussion. During the 1958 broadcast, Russell shared his "definition of Hell" as a joke with host Edward R. Murrow.
This phrase was so well-crafted and so characteristic of Russell's wit that it was subsequently quoted repeatedly by the BBC and other media outlets worldwide. It is a wonderful episode that captures Russell's humanity?showing that even in the late 1950s, while he was deeply immersed in serious efforts for nuclear disarmament (such as the Pugwash Conferences), he still made room for such lighthearted humor.
A Timeless Ethnic Joke
Incidentally, there is a counterpart to this joke?the "Heaven" version: "In Heaven, the police are English, the cooks are French, and the motorists are German.">
These templates remain popular today as the classic archetypes of "European jokes."
By including British cooking as an element of "Hell," Russell wasn't just being self-deprecating. Born into the British aristocracy but a lifelong critic of his country's conservatism and traditions, he likely infused that remark with his own brand of affectionate (yet biting) irony.
In the modern age, "labeling" (stereotyping) is a subject that must be handled with great care. Nevertheless, there is something captivating about the mental余裕 (room/leeway) Russell displayed?turning national differences into vivid wit and laughter.
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